Hi everyone,
Today’s blog post is going to be
quite different, so prepare yourself for something heavy and probably quite
disorganised, as I haven’t exactly planned this ramble at all. Nevertheless,
I’d appreciate it hugely if you could read the whole thing. I’m a bit of an
over-thinker, and although I don’t come across as the most outgoing or
opinionated person, I do have a lot of views that I prefer to express in word
format, as I find I can assemble my thoughts more easily that way.
As you grow up, you begin to
realise certain truths about the world that you weren't aware of before. When
we’re young, we’re in a sort of bubble; we often care more about ourselves than
the lives of others. Recently I have become increasingly interested in the
notion of feminism and about the differences and inequality that we see in the
world today concerning men and women, which wasn't as clear to me when I was
younger as it is now. I think my interest mostly stemmed from reading
columnists such as Caitlin Moran and Lucy Mangan, who are very witty and
obviously that greatly appealed to me. More recently I have watched both Emma
Watson’s speech for the #HeForShe campaign and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s
speech on feminism. These women both touch upon worldwide, serious issues such
as women’s education and rights, which are of course hugely important. However,
I wanted to talk more about the reason behind
all of this need for change, peoples’ values and attitudes towards both men
and women.
I’ll start off on a personal
level. I’m a 19-year-old white British girl from London, England, so my view is
going to be quite westernised, although I am very much interested in the
differences that span across the world concerning this topic. I grew up with my
Mum, Dad and younger brother, who has autism, so a nuclear family, equal in the
sense that there are two males and two females present in the household. Being
from London, I had a very big awareness of other cultures, religions and
ethnicities, which I think was very beneficial to my upbringing and has, I
believe, allowed me to be a very open-minded person. I have met a huge variety
of people whilst living in London, and my experiences have made me the person I
am today. As you can tell from what I’m saying, environment is a hugely
important factor in what makes a person who they are; what they think, what
they feel, what their attitudes and their opinions and their ideas are. I am
incredibly lucky to live in a first-world country in which people can express
their attitudes and opinions and ideas freely, but of course there is also what
we know as ‘society’, something that we generally conform to. Some of the
unwritten rules of society are so ingrained in us that we don’t question them.
I’m sure we can all agree that jumping a queue in Tesco for no reason is
unfair, that letting a 5-year-old watch an 18+ movie is inappropriate, that
ignoring someone while they’re speaking to you is rude. Likewise we can agree
that giving someone a gift is generous, that crossing the road at a green light
is safe, that paying for something in a shop is fair.
However, these unwritten rules can often coincide with stereotypes, or have sprouted from other ideas that do not really have anything to do with morals. For example, why a man is better off hiding his feelings than showing them, why a woman shouldn't wear certain clothes and be immodest.
However, these unwritten rules can often coincide with stereotypes, or have sprouted from other ideas that do not really have anything to do with morals. For example, why a man is better off hiding his feelings than showing them, why a woman shouldn't wear certain clothes and be immodest.
The first point I want to make is
this:
1. Men and women are different. Of course they are different. I don’t want to state the obvious but we have different bodies and different abilities i.e. a woman can give birth, a man cannot. However, despite being different, we should have the same equality because we are all human. Yes, black and white people are different but they are human. A straight person may love a person of the opposite sex while a homosexual person may love a person of the same sex, but both of them are human. A religious person may believe in a God and an atheist person may not but they are both human. I’m sure you get the idea. Unfortunately, some of these examples I have given have taken time to be understood by the world, because many years ago, some people believed that black people were not equal to white people, that homosexuals were not ‘normal’ as straight people are, that people of different religions could not mingle with each other. I know that there will be people who probably still believe all of these things but luckily we have made so much progression over the course of history. Yes, there is still some way to go. And that applies to gender equality as well. I strongly believe that attitudes and values are a contributing factor to the difficulty of progression for change. A law was passed that enabled women to vote, which no doubt happened after a long period of struggles. To change the attitudes and values of an entire human race seems almost impossible in comparison but you’ve got to start somewhere. (I don’t want to go off on too much of a tangent so I’ll refer back to that at the end of this...essay? I think that’ll do, haha.)
1. Men and women are different. Of course they are different. I don’t want to state the obvious but we have different bodies and different abilities i.e. a woman can give birth, a man cannot. However, despite being different, we should have the same equality because we are all human. Yes, black and white people are different but they are human. A straight person may love a person of the opposite sex while a homosexual person may love a person of the same sex, but both of them are human. A religious person may believe in a God and an atheist person may not but they are both human. I’m sure you get the idea. Unfortunately, some of these examples I have given have taken time to be understood by the world, because many years ago, some people believed that black people were not equal to white people, that homosexuals were not ‘normal’ as straight people are, that people of different religions could not mingle with each other. I know that there will be people who probably still believe all of these things but luckily we have made so much progression over the course of history. Yes, there is still some way to go. And that applies to gender equality as well. I strongly believe that attitudes and values are a contributing factor to the difficulty of progression for change. A law was passed that enabled women to vote, which no doubt happened after a long period of struggles. To change the attitudes and values of an entire human race seems almost impossible in comparison but you’ve got to start somewhere. (I don’t want to go off on too much of a tangent so I’ll refer back to that at the end of this...essay? I think that’ll do, haha.)
2. Gender stereotypes
Gender stereotypes are described as being neutral, so neither good nor bad. We need to remember that stereotypes are not random. The reason they are stereotypes is because they are based on particular traits and /or are recurring. In the fifteenth century very few women had proper jobs; most of them were housewives. Women now do have jobs, yet they are paid less than men.
I want to talk about a few things that really get to me, first of all concerning women. Obviously, as a girl I can understand these things first-hand. I had a spark of curiosity after doing some research the other day and turned to my Chambers Dictionary. To my dismay, I saw that the words ‘slag’ and ‘whore’ had become part of the English language. I mean, I know the words are widely used (I haven’t been living under a rock!) but to see them actually written down in a dictionary just threw me.
slag2 /slag/ (sl) n a slovenly or dissolute woman (or, more recently, man).
Gender stereotypes are described as being neutral, so neither good nor bad. We need to remember that stereotypes are not random. The reason they are stereotypes is because they are based on particular traits and /or are recurring. In the fifteenth century very few women had proper jobs; most of them were housewives. Women now do have jobs, yet they are paid less than men.
I want to talk about a few things that really get to me, first of all concerning women. Obviously, as a girl I can understand these things first-hand. I had a spark of curiosity after doing some research the other day and turned to my Chambers Dictionary. To my dismay, I saw that the words ‘slag’ and ‘whore’ had become part of the English language. I mean, I know the words are widely used (I haven’t been living under a rock!) but to see them actually written down in a dictionary just threw me.
slag2 /slag/ (sl) n a slovenly or dissolute woman (or, more recently, man).
whore /hör or hōr/ n a prostitute; any unchaste woman; an
allegedly corrupt religious community or practice.
For the former I had to look up
the words ‘slovenly’ and ‘dissolute’ to fully understand what the definition
was. Slovenly basically means dirty or untidy and dissolute refers to
overindulging in sensual pleasures. The second word’s definition was a bit more
clear because I knew that unchaste is another way of saying ‘not clean’. I came
to the conclusion that a woman who overindulges in sensual (sexual) pleasures
is seen as dirty.
Sex is different to different people. In my opinion, sex is not purely for the purpose of reproduction – it should be enjoyed as well. I think as long as two people are comfortable having sex with one another, there is no problem at all. Whether you have had six sexual partners during your lifetime or seventy-six is irrelevant. Not everyone may agree with me here. People are very quick to jump to conclusions about others who have had many sexual partners, which, in one respect, is understandable simply because there is a greater chance that someone may have a sexually transmitted disease. However, you cannot automatically assume someone is dirty and over-indulgent if they have had many sexual partners. Furthermore, women should not be targeted by being called names such as ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’. Why is it that men are praised for sexual conquests and women are shamed?
I do have to point out that there are often times when a woman or a man may be sleeping with many different people for reasons other than pleasure, whether that’s for attention or if they have some kind of internal conflict going on. That is when you know the situation isn’t healthy. It isn’t healthy either to have underlying vicious motives for sleeping with someone – if you are using them without their knowledge or getting your own back on someone by sleeping with their partner – you get the jist. I can’t stress enough how sex should not be one-sided; there are two people very intimately involved.
This leads me onto another point, something which also angers me. I was really appalled at some peoples’ reactions online to rape. A woman wearing ‘provocative’ clothing apparently shouldn’t be surprised if a man makes advances towards her, or actually rapes her. I need to make something clear: men are not sexual predators, they are not incapable of controlling their desires. It is ridiculous to even think that a rapist can be excused simply because a person is showing flesh. When I was slightly younger, my Mum used to be uncomfortable with some of the items of clothing I wanted to wear out at night. She explained why and all I could say was that ‘it’s not fair, I’m not asking for anything!’ She understood that but then made me realise that just because I have a certain view doesn’t mean things stop being the way they are. It was unfair, but unless I wanted to take a risk, I had to live with it. Personally, there are some things that I don’t feel comfortable wearing; that’s just me. I don’t judge other girls because they feel good in, for example, a shorter and tighter dress than the one I am wearing. If a man were to walk around with minimal clothing, it wouldn’t be viewed the same way as if a woman had done so. In a nutshell, women are expected by society to present themselves in a certain way; there is a notion of being ‘ladylike’, which is approved.
Just as there are expectations of women, there are also expectations of men.
‘Women have it so much harder than men!’ I hear you cry. In the grand scheme of things, there are indeed more reasons to feel angry if you are a woman, I agree, but this is something we are perhaps lacking – our empathy for both sexes; we usually focus on just one. Men also have it hard but in different ways. There is a different kind of pressure that is put on them and I don’t think it’s fair that they shouldn’t be allowed to express their feelings and emotions in the same way that women can. Women, if you like, have another reason for expressing intense emotions, and that is to do with the menstrual cycle. Obviously men do not go through this, but just like a woman – or a human, I should say – they go through other things and experiences in life that affect their emotional state. What’s different is how they are ‘supposed to’ deal with everything.
Statistics show that there is a higher rate of suicide amongst males than females. Statistics also show that girls increasingly do better in school than boys. Men are expected to raise the game, to put on a brave face and to take more than enough responsibility, and sometimes all this can get to them. Sensitive guys are often seen as ‘hidden gems’ to others, or other times disregarded simply because they are ‘too nice’.
Who can forget the famous saying ‘boys will be boys’? There is the idea that as children, boys being allowed to be more rambunctious than girls is ok. It’s normal. Who are cars, Action Men, crazy video games and dinosaur toys aimed at? I think the answer is pretty clear, and I’m not saying that these toys are bad in any way, but the fact is that if we raise a child in a certain way, obviously they are going to be influenced by factors that they are subjected to whilst growing up. Now, I do believe that we have to differentiate between boys and girls somehow; to be honest, I doubt we’ll ever give up the notion that pink is for baby girls and blue is for baby boys. However, making your child wear a particular colour and not allowing him to cry are two somewhat different things.
Sex is different to different people. In my opinion, sex is not purely for the purpose of reproduction – it should be enjoyed as well. I think as long as two people are comfortable having sex with one another, there is no problem at all. Whether you have had six sexual partners during your lifetime or seventy-six is irrelevant. Not everyone may agree with me here. People are very quick to jump to conclusions about others who have had many sexual partners, which, in one respect, is understandable simply because there is a greater chance that someone may have a sexually transmitted disease. However, you cannot automatically assume someone is dirty and over-indulgent if they have had many sexual partners. Furthermore, women should not be targeted by being called names such as ‘sluts’ and ‘whores’. Why is it that men are praised for sexual conquests and women are shamed?
I do have to point out that there are often times when a woman or a man may be sleeping with many different people for reasons other than pleasure, whether that’s for attention or if they have some kind of internal conflict going on. That is when you know the situation isn’t healthy. It isn’t healthy either to have underlying vicious motives for sleeping with someone – if you are using them without their knowledge or getting your own back on someone by sleeping with their partner – you get the jist. I can’t stress enough how sex should not be one-sided; there are two people very intimately involved.
This leads me onto another point, something which also angers me. I was really appalled at some peoples’ reactions online to rape. A woman wearing ‘provocative’ clothing apparently shouldn’t be surprised if a man makes advances towards her, or actually rapes her. I need to make something clear: men are not sexual predators, they are not incapable of controlling their desires. It is ridiculous to even think that a rapist can be excused simply because a person is showing flesh. When I was slightly younger, my Mum used to be uncomfortable with some of the items of clothing I wanted to wear out at night. She explained why and all I could say was that ‘it’s not fair, I’m not asking for anything!’ She understood that but then made me realise that just because I have a certain view doesn’t mean things stop being the way they are. It was unfair, but unless I wanted to take a risk, I had to live with it. Personally, there are some things that I don’t feel comfortable wearing; that’s just me. I don’t judge other girls because they feel good in, for example, a shorter and tighter dress than the one I am wearing. If a man were to walk around with minimal clothing, it wouldn’t be viewed the same way as if a woman had done so. In a nutshell, women are expected by society to present themselves in a certain way; there is a notion of being ‘ladylike’, which is approved.
Just as there are expectations of women, there are also expectations of men.
‘Women have it so much harder than men!’ I hear you cry. In the grand scheme of things, there are indeed more reasons to feel angry if you are a woman, I agree, but this is something we are perhaps lacking – our empathy for both sexes; we usually focus on just one. Men also have it hard but in different ways. There is a different kind of pressure that is put on them and I don’t think it’s fair that they shouldn’t be allowed to express their feelings and emotions in the same way that women can. Women, if you like, have another reason for expressing intense emotions, and that is to do with the menstrual cycle. Obviously men do not go through this, but just like a woman – or a human, I should say – they go through other things and experiences in life that affect their emotional state. What’s different is how they are ‘supposed to’ deal with everything.
Statistics show that there is a higher rate of suicide amongst males than females. Statistics also show that girls increasingly do better in school than boys. Men are expected to raise the game, to put on a brave face and to take more than enough responsibility, and sometimes all this can get to them. Sensitive guys are often seen as ‘hidden gems’ to others, or other times disregarded simply because they are ‘too nice’.
Who can forget the famous saying ‘boys will be boys’? There is the idea that as children, boys being allowed to be more rambunctious than girls is ok. It’s normal. Who are cars, Action Men, crazy video games and dinosaur toys aimed at? I think the answer is pretty clear, and I’m not saying that these toys are bad in any way, but the fact is that if we raise a child in a certain way, obviously they are going to be influenced by factors that they are subjected to whilst growing up. Now, I do believe that we have to differentiate between boys and girls somehow; to be honest, I doubt we’ll ever give up the notion that pink is for baby girls and blue is for baby boys. However, making your child wear a particular colour and not allowing him to cry are two somewhat different things.
3. We need to empower people
We need to live in a world where we think about other people a lot more. We need to empower not just girls but boys as well, we need to empower people. Back to the point about the name-calling, I really do regret to say that the majority of the time I find it’s girls who are quick to judge other girls, who find some kind of pleasure in calling someone else a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’, because they nestle in the safety of knowing they aren’t one themselves. In the words of Tina Fey as Miss Norbury in Mean Girls:
‘You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores! It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores.’
We need to live in a world where we think about other people a lot more. We need to empower not just girls but boys as well, we need to empower people. Back to the point about the name-calling, I really do regret to say that the majority of the time I find it’s girls who are quick to judge other girls, who find some kind of pleasure in calling someone else a ‘slut’ or a ‘whore’, because they nestle in the safety of knowing they aren’t one themselves. In the words of Tina Fey as Miss Norbury in Mean Girls:
‘You all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores! It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores.’
How can we expect misogyny to be
a thing of the past if we are the ones adding fuel to the fire? Coming back,
again, to the point on clothing. Society does not make it easy for us in terms
of body image; we are encouraged to be individual and to wear things that we
feel comfortable in but at the same time we are encouraged to be up-to-date
with the current trends. Wearing anything deemed as ‘slutty’ is a no-go,
despite the fact that hundreds of women’s Halloween costumes are tweaked to
look slutty. Girls find it difficult to attain the ‘model figure’ while guys
who aren’t necessarily muscular are often ridiculed. I think the point of my
essay is this: instead of bringing people down, we need to accept people for
who they are and empower them. As I love repeating, we are all different, but I
think that’s amazing. How boring would the world be if we were all the same?
You simply do not have the right to judge people because they are different,
because you wouldn’t necessarily act like they do or have different ideas to
the ones they have.
On a final note, I want to make these bullet points.
- We need to stop the objectification of women’s bodies. A huge, huge influence is the media industry. One example is the classic men’s magazine. The whole purpose of the magazine revolves around this idea of viewing and taking pleasure from viewing. The comments made on pictures of women are 100% focused on their body parts; their mouths may often be opened, but they are silenced. Once again, you see hardly any magazines like these that are aimed at women. The music industry is another example but which is so much more complex because it can be almost impossible to deem one artist or song or video as completely negative or positive. For example, I think that Nicki Minaj is a really talented rapper (her freestyling is wicked) but there are certain songs that just seem unnecessary in society, like Stupid Hoe and Anaconda (no matter how catchy that song may be!) Again, there are so many rappers that have incredible talent but use all their time in songs to talk about…women’s vaginas, you know? I think basically there needs to be some sort of balance. Yes, everyone likes sex; a song about sex isn’t weird. A song dedicated to a woman’s ass is pretty weird though, I have to admit (it’s difficult to analyse this because there is a fine line between admiring someone’s ass and admiring how they use their ass in dancing. Blimey, I never thought I’d be using all these words in the same sentence, haha!) I do think younger generations who listen to mainstream music do need some other types of songs coming out other than just bootyshaking tracks. We want it to be clear that a woman with a great ass can also have other assets (hahahaha.) I wish I could expand on this more but this essay isn’t dedicated to the music industry.
On a final note, I want to make these bullet points.
- We need to stop the objectification of women’s bodies. A huge, huge influence is the media industry. One example is the classic men’s magazine. The whole purpose of the magazine revolves around this idea of viewing and taking pleasure from viewing. The comments made on pictures of women are 100% focused on their body parts; their mouths may often be opened, but they are silenced. Once again, you see hardly any magazines like these that are aimed at women. The music industry is another example but which is so much more complex because it can be almost impossible to deem one artist or song or video as completely negative or positive. For example, I think that Nicki Minaj is a really talented rapper (her freestyling is wicked) but there are certain songs that just seem unnecessary in society, like Stupid Hoe and Anaconda (no matter how catchy that song may be!) Again, there are so many rappers that have incredible talent but use all their time in songs to talk about…women’s vaginas, you know? I think basically there needs to be some sort of balance. Yes, everyone likes sex; a song about sex isn’t weird. A song dedicated to a woman’s ass is pretty weird though, I have to admit (it’s difficult to analyse this because there is a fine line between admiring someone’s ass and admiring how they use their ass in dancing. Blimey, I never thought I’d be using all these words in the same sentence, haha!) I do think younger generations who listen to mainstream music do need some other types of songs coming out other than just bootyshaking tracks. We want it to be clear that a woman with a great ass can also have other assets (hahahaha.) I wish I could expand on this more but this essay isn’t dedicated to the music industry.
- We need to keep pushing towards body confidence. I still don’t understand why the fashion runways use models that resemble those of fifty years ago. If you want a person to wear your clothes, you need to make clear that they can feel good in them, not make them feel disappointed because they think they won’t look as good as the model looks in them. Looks are so hugely important to people because that is how we initially see each other, but they are not everything! I would much rather be a wise and interesting and good person with an ‘average’ appearance than be an average person with a ‘beautiful’ face. Health is the most important thing we have; we need to take care of our bodies. Eating the right things, being active and getting enough sleep is far more important than carrying out odd diets, getting suntanned and plucking out every hair we see from our skin. Just remember: most things on our body are there for a reason .. *ahem* hair *ahem* fat. Ok, we will never be 100% satisfied with ourselves, but we can still be happy.
- Boost each other up. We are no longer cavemen, the world no longer relies on physical strength for success. We can be successful today with intelligence and by being good people, which means that ANYONE and EVERYONE should be given a chance and respected. That goes for both men and women.
Thanks for reading! Also, please
comment below if you want to address any of my points or ask me any questions.
Rhi x
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